decembercolumn

All About You Moments.....

Weekly Column as published by
BSH Journal

Published December 09, 2009

Handling Holiday Stress

The air is clean, crisp and just cool enough to let us know…it’s that time of year again, the holiday
season. The media would have us think that we should decorate our homes like the magazines and
prepare a feast that would put Martha Stewart to shame. What they don’t us tell us is how exhausting
and stressful it can be.

If you are like me, Thanksgiving comes and goes before I realize I am in December. After watching
the holiday specials on HGTV for inspiration, I get inspired all right. My inspirations send me in a tail
spin of planning an extravagant, Hallmark moment of a holiday season, and before I know it, my
time, money and energy are SPENT!

This year, I am planning to do something different. I'm taking a cue from Santa. I'm making a list and
checking it twice!

My list includes four simple steps:

1. Visualizing my holiday gathering
Breaking it down into steps and chucks of time.
I am doing as much ahead as I can so those last minute details don't throw me for a loop.
I am going to delegate. That's right delegate to kids, spouse, friends and family members.

2. Get Organized
Putting activities into groups like shopping, cooking/baking, decorating, wrapping and deciding on a
block of time to get each one of these done.
Making grocery and shopping list so I don't forget things and have to make extra trips to places I've
already been.

3. Making a budget and stick to it
Shopping sales is what the holidays are about, however I will not drive 30 miles to save a $1.
When I am shopping on line, I will remember to include the shipping/handling in my budget because
these may be more than simply buying it on sale and mailing it myself.

4. Taking care of myself
Eat as healthy as possible so I can splurge when I go to holiday parties
Exercise for additional energy that the holidays require
Stretch and breath daily, gets that oxygen into the blood stream and aids
in reducing stress.

Does doing any of this guarantee you a perfect holiday season? NO! What it does is encourages
you to take care of yourself, have a less stressful holiday season, so you can enjoy the perfect
holiday season without running for the covers!

As you visualize your “perfect” holiday, make your list and start to execute your “perfect” holiday
plans one step at a time, you have to remember this is about you enjoying the holidays. You have
no idea how making an adjustment such as taking care of yourself will affect the lives of others. It's
okay. Take care of yourself and the holidays will take care of themselves.

Published December 16, 2009

Handling your losses during the holiday season

This may the first holiday without your loved one or the tenth. There are some holiday seasons that
come and go and you hardly think about them but this year is different for some reason. You find
that you are missing them terribly. How do you get through it?

As I right this article, I get tickled. I had an Aunt Pat who was truly one of those people who had a
“perfect” holiday season despite the drama that surrounded her and she had a lot. From losing both
of her parents in the same year a month apart, to a daughter with Cerebral Palsy. From being
diagnosed with colon cancer, to remission, to having it come back and finally claim her life. Through
it all, she never stopped smiling, never.

For some odd reason Aunt Pat would wait until the holidays to try new recipes. I can’t tell you how
many interesting holiday desserts we had. She was so sincere in her efforts. One year, Aunt Pat
baked a pound cake that called for 12 eggs and was hard as rock! Then there was time she made a
Red Velvet cake that was bubble gum pink! Now when the family recalls the loved ones that have
gone, we all get the biggest giggle out of remembering Aunt Pat. We know she is smiling on us.

When it comes to grieving the loss of a loved one, there is no right or wrong way to grieve but there
is a process. There are five steps to the grieving process, they are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Grieving is a process that we go through when we loose a loved one. These steps don’t go in
order. You may feel them all in the same day, or the grieving step of anger for weeks. There is no
set time for you to “get over it”. No one knows how you felt about the person(s) that have passed on
during your life time. You know how you felt about them and especially this time of year, it can be
difficult.

I encourage you to feel what you feel. It doesn’t matter what others think and others can be rather
cruel. It’s not about you, it’s about them. They may be going through their own grief or don’t know
how to comfort you at a time like this. That’s okay, it is a part of the healing process.

If you want to do what your loved one did during the holidays be it cook something special, (although
I don’t recommend the 12 egg pound cake!), decorate they way did, whatever it was that was special
to you, do it. If you want to remember the joy this person brought to your life, share those stories
with the next generation so those precious memories won't be lost. If you would rather the holidays
pass you by, let them this year. When you are ready, you will know when it is time to get through this
loss.

Published December 23, 2009

This is NOT what I planned!

You made the decision that you were going to try something new this year to help ease the stress of
the holiday season you love so much. You visualized, made a plan, got organized, came in under
budget and most of all, you remembered to take care of yourself. Then it happened, your holiday
nightmare come true!

You tried to keep that smile on your face as people criticized your cooking and décor or worse didn't
notice. There is food everywhere, toys and gifts have already been broken, lost or you heard “I don’t
want this!” Those less than positive people got your goat and you promised yourself they wouldn't…
but they did. Where is the gratitude for all or your hard work? Let’s remember the positive things that
did happened. You executed your plan perfectly, you took care of yourself and while your goat was
got, they are who they are and so are you. It was not the first time and you know it won’t be the last!
Remember there are no guarantees in this life. The most important thing, you took care of yourself.
The gratitude you may be seeking, give it to yourself, you earned it. After all, you came out of this
holiday season feeling better than you did when you went into it.

So now what? You keep taking care of yourself. This was the first time you tried something different. It
worked out perfectly, maybe not the way you envisioned it, but the world didn't come to an end either.
Improve upon that. Improve upon those lessons you learned about yourself as you tried something
new and different. Remember the excitement you felt. Practice it daily and take care of yourself daily.
No excused! It’s hard work. In order to get where you are trying to go, you have to be willing to work
for it. You are the most important person you know. Aren't you worth it?